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My wife and I have been married now for close to six years. When we first were married, the sex was great, we were both basically virgins, so the act was new and exciting to both of us. I knew a lot more than she did, because like most young guys, I did my "research". In all seriousness I did do a lot of actual research on the topic as well, since the art of sex has always intrigued me. Anyway, to make a long story short, we've had three children, one recently, but even before that she very, very rarely initiates sex and I always have to be the one to work her into it. I am jealous of the guys who talk about their girls who seem to always want to have sex and how they are sick of it. I am the kind of guy that if I had a girl like that, we probably wouldn't own a tv or computer. :) Any suggestions of what might be the problem, either with me or her and what I can do to help??? |
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What age are you both?
What age are you both?
Ages
She is 27 and I will be turning 27 this coming June, married for six years this month actually.
tell her this
tell her this
27 is still quite young for
27 is still quite young for interest in sex to be dwindling, but three children may have something to do with it. But even without any children, like i've said before, unfortunately not every relationship is completely balanced in who wants sex and when.
In some cases, like yours, it seems to be quite one sided.
The first thing you could do is to ask her about it. Try to do it in a sensitive and caring way, not seeming to be pushy, just have a talk about it.
When you say she rarely initiated sex 'before that' - do you mean before the last child or before all three?
I ask because I wonder has there been any complications with childbirth? Did she have natural births, caesareans, episiotomies? Anything else that might affect her physically or emotionally, post natal depression?
As well as that, there is of course three children to take care of - which means fatigue, stress and lack of sleep!
Also, when you initiate sex, do you always want to have intercourse, or can you say, just stroke her clit, give her an orgasm, and then both go to sleep?
Sorry for the delay in
Sorry for the delay in response... been working on some stuff with her. :) I've been really careful not to be pushy with her, because I know that that is only going to make things worse. We have had a couple really good talks about it and she knows that her sexual desire is lacking. I think now most of it is related to having a newborn, plus two other children to care for, but she has shown a desire in learning more about how now to increase her "sex drive".
She is, putting it gently, an interesting case in my opinion... :) She would rather just have quick sex, AKA "slam bam thank you ma'am" and get it over with. I guess also I would be an interesting case on the flip side, because my idea of great sex is lots of foreplay. I would rather play with her, touch her body, stimulate her, etc... She doesn't like to be touched a lot, can't stand rubbing anywhere on her body (except her clit and vagina sometimes) and to me almost seems somewhat afraid of being aroused and enjoying herself during sex. I think a lot of it might have to do with her upbringing that "fun" sex is "dirty". "Good girl" sex consists of the missionary position and get it over with.
Anyway, I'm rambling... Let me get down to my new question now I guess...
What can I do to help her increase her sexual desire / libido and is there anyway now that I can help her to become as crazy about sex as I am?
There are lots of drugs,
There are lots of drugs, creams, lotions etc for sale that claim to increase female libido, none of which have been proven to have any effect.
Here's another question for you: did your wife do any exercise before she had kids?
One of the only things that has been proven to increase libido is exercise.
The reason I believe exercise improves libido is that getting to orgasm takes an increased heart rate of 120 to 130 bpm, which gets harder to reach as you get older, but exercising improves your heart strength and makes the higher bpms easier to achieve.
Read more on the page on manpower. While that page is written with men in mind, the "cardio exercise = stronger heart = easier orgasm" also applies to women.
Now all you need to do is to convince your wife to exercise on top of taking care of 3 kids... good luck...