Is all hope gone
I am a male.
I masturbated a lot and out of fear of getting caught when I was younger I didn't use lube or anything.
I think I have been using wrong techniques which have completely messed up my ability to go more than 30 seconds during sex. Even masturbation now is a whatever thing and doesn't feel that good.
I've tried the methods on this site like the PC muscle relax.
The chakra one won't work well with my add. It's nigh impossible for me to meditate like that.
I'm currently at a loss.
Hi guys,
I masturbated for years without lube and whether it's affected me or not I don't know, but I have great sex with myself and others.
In my experience, 99% of it is in the mind; sexual performance, how hard you are, you long you last, etc. For me the key was to find a wonderful woman who took the time for me to learn to RELAX and to take things slow and get to feel the energy between us, rather than just chasing orgasm.
So, for what it's worth, here's my advice and some things to try, not all directly related:
- Look your partner in the eye whilst making love, for me at first I felt really self conscious, but slowly I opened up and now it gives the most wonderful connection. Also sometimes try keeping constant eye contact during orgasm, can be hard but is amazing!
Relax your mind, try to start to notice when thoughts are creeping in such as 'I'm not gonna last', or 'I'm not adequate' ... any thoughts like this are totally self destructive, in my experience, and they will rule you body and soul, but only if you let them!! When you get used to noticing when you're thinking them or about to think them, you'll get better at allowing them to exit your head. So turn off your mind! (There are many ways to do this, meditation, check out the rest of the site and others related to meditation and yoga)
When your mind isn't wandering around and bugging you with all that stupid conditioning shit (whether from yourself or outside) telling you what you should be feeling and how things are going to be, suddenly, you are freer. It's easy to say, but the key is to relax, allow whatever will be to be. And be ok with it. Let go of self expectation and perceived expectation of your partner.
Can you make love and be ok that it only lasted 30 secs??? If you can do that now you'll start to let go of whatever guilt or hopelessness has built up. As you start to do this your mind will be less cluttered with useless thought and your body will be far freer to do what it naturally does and you'll start to last longer. This is positive feedback: Mind less cluttered -> body is freer -> making love is better -> confidence improves -> mind less cluttered.... and so on!
Forget about the past. Start allowing yourself to be NOW, with or without your partner. Connect deeper with yourself and your partner. And be gentle with yourself.
So, there is an ocean of hope for you that is just waiting for you to allow it to become a wonderful life long reality... 'allow' yourself to enjoy the ride ;)
Peace
JP
find a girl who is willing to have lots of sex, then your penis will become desensitized. i did the same thing, found a girl like that, and now the sex can last up to an hour or more.
you became desensitized to masturbation, now its time for you to get used to the sex.
I think I have been using wrong techniques which have completely messed up my ability to go more than 30 seconds during sex. Even masturbation now is a whatever thing and doesn't feel that good.
Ok I presume you are circumcised right?
Well after circumcision, over the years as your uncovered penis rubs against clothing, the remaining surface skin becomes keratinized, (keratin is the substance which makes up your hair and nails). This will happen whether you masturbate with lube or not.
In order to be able to masturbate without lube, you probably have a certain amount of foreskin remaining after your circumcision, enough to stroke back and forth and reach orgasm.
Or if there is no leeway in your remaining foreskin, then you simply stroked back and forth with a dry hand, which over the years would increase keratization and reduce the remaining nerve endings.
However the foreskin is only touch sensitive. The foreskin alone cannot bring you to orgasm. There is nothing that an uncut man can do with his foreskin alone that will make him orgasm.
It's the stroking action along the glans (head) of the penis that brings you to orgasm. The glans is pressure sensitive. An uncut man strokes his foreskin back and forth over the glans, but it's the glans that causes the orgasm.
So, I don't think years of masturbation without lube has caused your problem.
The first thing is that lasting only 2 minutes is actually the default state for the human male. This is the way it's supposed to be, the way we are naturally designed.
There are so many other factors that cause you to come quickly.
The first defence against this is recognizing your pre-gasm. So there is never any need to orgasm too early. When you get your pre-gasm, just stop, rest, then start again.
Same advice goes to poster #1:
I think now you may have a psychological hang-up with believing that your penis is somehow 'broken'.
However if you can orgasm, it's clearly not desensitized! Your glans is still firing on all cylinders.
This stress, worry and nervousness is all mental but your mental state will make you come quickly.
RELAX. Mentally and physically. Confidence will do you the world of good. Slow breathing, have sex in the woman on top / cowgirl position. If you can't manage the meditation techniques, try simple relaxation techniques - let your mind do whatever it wants but focus on relaxing all your body muscles - particularly legs / hips / ass.
Sex does not desensitize the penis. As mentioned, many factors contribute to how long you last. It's likely that you naturally realised some method; a lot of guys develop their own way of lasting longer without thinking about it. PC muscle relaxation being the most likely one.
I think I have the same problem, except masturbating still feels good.
When my girlfriend gives me a blow job, I orgasm in about 30-45 seconds.
I haven't tried the PC muscle stuff yet, I plan to soon, but I would also like to know if this has affected me long term aswell.